Monday, August 4, 2008

PUMA Summer Blockbuster!

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The summer blockbuster sleeper hit is finally here!

Run! Run for your lives!! PUMAs are everywhere and the Obama favored polls sense the PUMA ATTACK! Gallup has very sobering numbers to report:

Those pesky PUMAs are at it again!

The results, based on a three-day rolling average of interviews conducted July 30-Aug. 1, show Obama and McCain each receiving 44% of the vote among registered voters. The candidates were also tied in Friday’s update. Obama received a brief increase in support near the conclusion of his overseas trip last week, gaining a nine percentage point advantage in July 24-26 polling. But that bounce disappeared almost quickly as it emerged.

44% tie for the 44th Presidency? Oooh, kismic! The highest bounce Obama’s had since Hillary Clinton suspended her campaign has been an average of 6%, which has dwindled at the rise of “undecided voters.” Could they be pre-PUMAs? The Obama camp hoped his “OMFG EUROPE LOOOOVES HIM” tour would give his declining poll ratings a little “ooph,” yet it’s more like a “splat.”

Yet instead of showcasing his marvelousness to people who’ll be actually voting this coming election season against “Old Man” McCain, Obama ducks out AGAIN from a Lincoln-Douglas debate! Even Obama Media Fan Club Associated Press couldn’t help reporting it like this:

Obama backs away from McCain’s debate challenge

By DOUGLASS K. DANIEL, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - Democratic candidate Barack Obama on Saturday backed away from rival John McCain’s challenge for a series of joint appearances, agreeing only to the standard three debates in the fall.

In May, when a McCain adviser proposed a series of pre-convention appearances at town hall meetings, Obama said, “I think that’s a great idea.” In summer stumping on the campaign trail, McCain has often noted that Obama had not followed through and joined him in any events.

Obama’s reversal on town hall debates is part of a play-it-safe strategy he’s adopted since claiming the nomination and grabbing a lead in national polls. Advisers to the Illinois senator, speaking on condition of anonymity because they are not authorized to discuss strategy, say Obama is reluctant to take chances or give McCain a high-profile stage now that Obama’s the front-runner.

Wait up, so Obama’s excuse is that he doesn’t want to give McCain “a high profile stage?” Pah-leeeze!

When I was in the 7th grade, there was a girl named Janet that teased me relentlessly. After making fun of my friend, I got the nerve to challenge her to a fight afterschool at the nearby park. The entire 7th grade showed up at the park. I’m already there ready to kick azz and Janet never showed up. In fact, I found out that she suddenly got sick and was picked up by her mom before school was out. Rushed with adrenaline and rage, I walked to her house (and the entire 7th grade following me) and started to shout for her to come out and fight. After an hour of waiting, I went home. She didn’t show up to school for more than a week, claiming she had the flu.

So in my mind, Obama is just like Janet - the smarmy teaser who runs away when his target fights back. What a wuss! Now the flip side could be that the DNC’s recommending Obama not engage in any debates until his coronation (because there’s a slight chance that he may not be the Democratic nominee after all.) But whatever the case may be, Obama looks like a big fat chicken.

In honor of the “Attack of the PUMAs!” movie premiere, Rico is wearing his Rambo costume (minus Cross your Heart bra) which show off his biceps as he serves Pink PUMAS and Mountain Lion Martinis. Flo’s got her Xena costume which makes catching trolls and naughty words a breeze. If you have some extra loot left over for the week, would you mind buying Hillary a lunch by clicking on the brown bag above?

Continuing with our Summer Blockbuster theme tonight is a great finale that everyone loves. If the Rebel Alliance can take down the Galactic Empire, so can we. Just Say No Deal!

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